One mans journey through individual and marriage counseling

Where to begin. I have been avoiding counseling for my entire life. I have been in 3 serious relationships and a couple of minor ones :)all with therapists e. Maybe I was looking for help but didn’t know how to get it. I finally married the last one :). Still I avoided therapy I went once 7 years ago for individual and never went back. Then went 11 times before we were married out of obligation to my relationship. Or maybe because I’m a people pleaser. (Different story all together) All it did was make me mad and sad, but it got me through my relationship for 4 more years without having to go again.

Then marriage struck me. Ouch. Then a baby struck me even harder. Ouch, Ouch. Then another baby struck me. Fuck that hurt. But all I did was bury my feelings and power through the tough times thinking I can fix this. After all I’m a big strong tough guy. How wrong I was. We started marriage counseling and once again I went to please my wife and maybe it would fix her (since she obviously was the problem). Well that doesn’t work. Tried that 10 times over 2 years and surprise, surprise, that didn’t fix a fucking thing.

I came across a life planner. The first 6 pages makes you grade where your life is currently. Well oh fuck !!!!!! I started answering all of the questions and giving myself 3s and 4s out of 10. Then I started to lie to myself about my grades. It was so depressing to actually to realize that I was having to lie to myself to even get a 30% score of where my life really is. Then I took it again and I was at a 10% score for living a good life for me and my family. By all outward appearances life wasn’t that bad. Good job, own our own business, live on the water in an amazing place. Three wonderful kids and a hard working, smart wife that is a great mom. But was miserable in all aspects of my existence.

Back to therapy !!!!!!! I finally went for the right reasons. To better understand myself and to create the habits that are going to make my life and families life the best it can be. It’s only been 90 days but I feel I’m finally accepting who I am and moving in a great direction. Many bumps but now I understand the bumps instead of getting mad at the bumps in the road.

Therapy or marriage counseling might not be a fit for you today, but maybe tomorrow. At this point I feel it’s going to save my life and marriage.

Happy Together!!!!!!